I'm really into asian looking animals
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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