I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
