so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize