God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
