I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
