Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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