Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Randomize
