respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
