Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
