my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
