Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
