that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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