Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
