the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
