Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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