BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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