she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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