There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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