I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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