He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
