Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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