I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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