i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
