I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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