Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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