I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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