i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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