oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
