This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
