Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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