yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
