he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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