Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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