No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
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Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
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He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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