btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
