Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
