She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
