why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
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Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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