so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
