4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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