He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
