i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
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Do I have a choice?
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I think a kid would responsible me up
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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