I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
