last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
