Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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