Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
