I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
