Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
