so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
