The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
