Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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