I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
