The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The uberlube is also flammable
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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