I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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