...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
