Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
