I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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