fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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