The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
