Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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