I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
