Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Pooping to opera.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
