I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
they're like a gay fantastic four
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
