Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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