Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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