hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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