Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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