Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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