Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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