Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
