the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
