I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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