Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
