I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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