the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
