from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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