Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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