Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
